Night Danger

“Jeff, check the bus for a shovel.”

“Dude, I think he’s still alive.”

“No shovel.”

“I’m a horrible person and deserve to die. I’m a horrible person and deserve to die. I’m a horrible person…”

“Gary, shut up. I can’t think with you mumbling like that.”

“I killed him.”

“Dude, I think he’s still alive.”

“Should we call the police?”

“And tell them what?”

“That we hit a…”

“What were you smoking, man? We can’t call the police. It’ll be all over the news tomorrow. We’ll be ruined.”

“I don’t know, some bands benefit from this kind of publicity.”

“I don’t think we will. We’re a god-damned new aged punk band. Our fans are environmentalists and the offspring of tree-hugging hippies. They’re not very open-minded about this kind of shit.”

“I’m a horrible person and deserve to die. I’m a…”

“Will somebody shut him up, I’m trying to think.”

“Gary, why don’t you go sit in the bus. We’ll take care of this…someone should tell him he’s a drummer, not a princess.”

“We’ll just have to bury the body.”

“No shovel.”

“Dude, I think he’s still alive.”

“He won’t be for long, Mark.”

“Dude, that’s harsh.”

“It’s nature, Mark. You get hit by a bus, you die.”

“I told you we shouldn’t drive a…”

“A hybrid wouldn’t solve this problem, Jeff.”

“Right. Good point. Should we get him off the road?”

“Yeah. Let’s get him in the ditch before somebody comes.”

“Okay. How do we do this?”

“Grab the antlers, I guess.”

“Dude, I think he’s still alive.”

“We have to get him off the road.”

“But it’ll hurt him to pull on his antlers.”

“Look at him, Mark. I think his antlers will be the least of his problems right now.”

“Mark, I think he’s right. We should get him off the road.”

“Jeff, give me a hand.”

“How long until the concert starts?”

“Two hours. We got to hurry if we want to start on time.”

“Could we start the show with Vegan Girl in Leather?”

“That’s our signature song. People might leave if we don’t save it for last. People come to see Night Danger just to hear Vegan Girl.”

“I know, but…guh…this guy’s heavier than he looks…maybe they would enjoy everything else if they got that song out of their systems.”

“Maybe when we get…argh…that should do it…a few more songs out we could, but right now it’s our only hit. Mark, can you see it from up there?”

“No. Is he still alive?”


“It’s still breathing.”

“It won’t be for long and he won’t leave until he thinks it’s dead.”

“My lips are sealed.”

“Thanks. Maybe we could try doing Vegan Girl in the middle of the set.”

“Thanks. How are your hands? Are you going to be able to play tonight? Those antlers ripped mine up something good.”

“They’re sore, but I’ll still be able to play.”

“Good. What about Gary?”

“Let’s go check.”

“Gary, are you going to be able to play tonight?”

“We just passed that sign. I should have slowed down. It’s still a baby yet.”

“Nah, it had a few years in it…and a few hundred pounds on it.”

“Could be a baby, actually. A bigger one would have done more damage to the bus.”

“Dude, it has antlers.”

“When do they get antlers?”

“Aren’t they born with them?”

“Dude, I don’t want to think about that.”

“We should bury it.”

“Dude, are you sure he’s not still alive?”

“No shovel.”

“Yes, I’m sure.”

“We should leave it there so the other animals have food. Circle of life, man, circle of life.”

“But we should do something. He’s dead because of me.”

“We could have our picture taken under the moose crossing sign for our next album cover. It’ll be a warning for all of our fans out there driving.”

“Doesn’t hurt that the sign also has our band name printed on it.”

“Dude, that’s awesome. You’re a genius. Are you sure he’s not still alive?”

“Yes, I’m sure, Mark. I know the difference between breathing and not breathing.”